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So, you meet a promising fella on your favorite online dating portal, and things are running pretty smoothly so far. You’re excited about the future because finally, you’ve met a guy who is attractive, intelligent, and successful. You’re feeling elated until you two discuss your sexual past and Mr. Perfecto fesses up that he’s been with over 70 women. Now, you’re reluctant to continue your relationship with him because you can’t shake the feeling that he’s just a sleazy man whore who’s only aim is to hit it and quit it.
When you start dating someone and they ask you how many people you’ve been with, do you tell them the truth? Some people say that you should multiply the number your partner divulges by two in order to get the true number. Personally, I’m always honest about my past, but I guess that’s because I don’t think my number is anything to be ashamed of.
It’s no secret that I’m not a virgin. I’ve been intimate with a handful of guys since I’ve been dating for several years now, but I always use protection. And I don’t consider myself a promiscuous person since I’ve been with fewer than 10 men, but I do take issue with any guys who’ve been with over 10 women. Somehow, that just seems like too many. Who knows, maybe I’m fixated on meaningless numbers… but I just know that I don’t want to be with a guy who’s slept with so many other women because I’d hate to be compared! Also, I feel disgusted when I hear about guys who’ve been with many women, especially if they’ve been with several at once.
On the other hand, I don’t think I’d want to be with someone who is saving themselves till marriage either because I ain’t gonna sign a contract to be with someone who could potentially be terrible in the sack! I need to dip my toes in the water before I’ll agree to walk down the aisle. Plus, I think it’s important for people to experiment sexually before they get married so that once they realize how great sex is, they aren’t tempted to have sex with other people besides their partner. I imagine that if you’ve only had sex with one or two people, you’d start to wonder what it’s like to be with other people! And the last thing I want is to be with a guy who’s fantasizing about other women.
I have a friend who got married young. She’s been with five guys but she admits that she sometimes regrets her decision to get married so soon. She told me she fantasizes about other men and when she goes to parties with her husband, she salivates over other guys. All I have to say is that I’m glad that I’m not in that position! At this point, I’m ready to settle down, but that’s also because I’ve had my fun already. I’ve been with enough men to know what’s out there, so as long as I encounter a man who meets up to my standards both in the bedroom and out, I am ready to say, “I do.”
In my opinion, having sex with several people doesn’t necessarily make you a whore; it all boils down to your attitude. I have to say that I do raise my eyebrow if the number seems excessive, but I also realize that some people have had many sexual partners simply because they haven’t found “the one” as quickly as others. And if they’re having sex because it makes them feel good and they’re using protection, is that a crime? I only think it’s a problem if you’re duping people into having sex with you or you’re trying to compensate for your low self-esteem by having sex, even when you don’t actually enjoy it.
What about you? Do you tell all of your partners how many people you’ve been with or does having that conversation make you uncomfortable? How many do you consider too many or do you think the numbers are meaningless?